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A Ninja Pond, A Naked Woman, And A Tight Budget..


Hi Folks.. Flori here once more, and I wonder how many did a double take at the title of my blog???? LOL!
Before you panic and think that Flori has finally lost the plot, and fingers are hovering over the flag button in anticipation, let me explain if you will..

It all started when I took out an old Pampas grass a long, long time ago…
Now don’t get me wrong..Pampas grass is great, it has a lot going for it, tall, graceful, architectural, gorgeous plumes and birds love it for helping build their nests..but take my advice, don’t plant it too close to a walkway..It can be like death from a thousand cuts if the wind is blowing in the wrong direction, and oh boy, don’t they smart??
So as we were starting to fight our way through it to get to the pergola, it was decided it just had to go. Wrong plant, wrong place! There is a lesson to be learned in that..

This left me with a conundrum..I had a long narrow garden bed now minus a very large shrub, that needed a focal point, and I also wanted a pond. Hmmmm…

The pond area was pretty small, which was somewhat restrictive, and I really had to start thinking out of the box as to how I could achieve it. Worse, was the fact that Flori was now just a trifle skint, so nothing new there.

I had set my heart on a tall graceful female figurine as my main water feature..I needed height and structure, and the fact that she was naked was more in the keeping of art than blatant nudity and titillation..(although it made my neighbour’s day so he kept telling me!) LOL!

It was an expensive venture. Checking out the prices in my local Garden Centre, my chosen Figurine water feature, (complete with pump), would have set me back £480, but with a bit a bit of internet research, I located what I was after for just over £240 complete..Half price sounded like music to my ears, and so that was how a certain naked lady found her way into our garden.

So were does the Ninja Pond come into the equation I hear you ask? Well that really was my bargain of the century..

I located some circular resin ponds in my local Garden Centre that came inclusive with three planting pockets moulded on to the sides of the pond, the structure was however in a rather virulent shade of orange.. (Well, they would have said it was terracotta, but believe me when I say it was almost Jaffa orange in shade).
For these somewhat dubious coloured resin ponds, they were asking £110 each! Not on your life!

Investigating further, I located one that had been damaged in transit, and had a small puncture hole in the side which could be easily repaired, and this had been reduced to £10 for a quick sale.
Quick? It was a blur how fast money changed hands that day!

Unfortunately, at the time we only had a small car, and we also had a young 14 year old teenage friend who was spending the day out with us as a passenger. Poor kid…

Even today, 6 years later she is still suffering from the acute embarrassment of us lashing that circular, Jaffa orange resin pond to the car roof, and driving through town with it!
We looked as if we had a Ninja Turtle shell attached as an added extra! It certainly caused some merriment and finger pointing from the general public as we drove home..though our poor teenage passenger was mortified at being seen in this somewhat peculiar vehicle.

On arriving home, the OH dug a hole, and lo and behold the resin Ninja Pond was in situ! We popped our naked lady figurine into it.. We had our Water Feature!

Now that would have been the end of my tale, but after repairing the puncture hole in the side of the pond, the OH and I both agreed that we needed something to well, tone down our Jaffa resin Ninja pond and make it less obvious, so the arty bit began…

Living in a 150 year old cottage made of the local quarried Bath Stone, we had plenty of spare stone left in the garden from a renovating job we had previously completed.
Recycling is one of our passions, so the OH patiently split sections of stone into smaller pieces, and ‘faced’ off the pond both inside and out..The difference was amazing!
It looked more in keeping, much more solid, and made a great feature in its own right.

Popping our figurine back into the pond, adding various grasses in the ponds planting pockets to help soften the outer edges completed the look..

We could now traverse safely to the Pergola without wearing protective armour and had the soothing sound of running water by our seating area. The water feature made a really striking focal feature, and a stone clad pond (that had cost us all of a tenner) that looked as if it had always been there..
Do I miss my old Pampas Grass..? Nah..not really..

Thanks for looking in on me folks, even if only out of curiosity, lol, and I hope my blog helped raise a chuckle or two to brighten up your Autumnal day..Love Flori \0/x

The Pampas Grass on the right was just a bit of a mistake, and sad though it was, it had to go..

Trying it out for size, and hoping it fits the space..

Ninja Resin Pond in all its glory..? Dark glasses advised!

Stone clad and what a transformation!

Solid as if hewn from the earth and fitting into its environment so much better..

Just checking the positioning before the lady gets her feet too wet..A striking focal point.

The completed project. A shady, green relaxing area with the sound of trickling water..Just Perfect!

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a very entertaining blog flori. I really enjoyed it. my what a difference the stone maks to the overal effect. well done to you and OH [suppose he needs some credit ;o)]

she is rather attractive. did you model for it in secret?????

21 Oct, 2012


What a good imagination you have Flori! And what flair! The finished little pond looks great. I loved your blog. I always feel that you're talking TO us instead of just writing. I shall look forward to your next project!

21 Oct, 2012


Thanks for your blog, you got some great looking bargains.

21 Oct, 2012


I do agree, your blogs are always very entertaining Flori.
I`m lucky enough to have space to keep my pampas but it is lethal if one has the misfortune to scrape against those leaves, I can see why you chose to get rid of it, the pond and your lady are very striking, your OH has certainly done himself proud with the stonework.....

21 Oct, 2012


Hi Seaburngirl, how lovely to see you here! Shucks, you guessed! LOL! Yes adding that stone to the pond changed it completely, and gave it a much more rustic effect..\0/x

Hello Rose my friend, yes I write in the style that I talk I'm afraid lol, but I hope the tongue in cheek humour went down well with everyone. It must seem as if I'm possessed working on all these sudden projects, but having gone through a lot of my old photos on the PC recently, I found various projects we had attempted, and thought I would publish them on Goy.
If this gives even just one Goyer out there an idea, then it has proved its value in posting. \0/x

Thank you Drc, I know the water feature was still pricey, but they always are aren't they? I would have been devastated to have paid full price when with a little research I could find it cheaper..It does make you wonder about the mark up on some of these items doesn't it?\0/x

I was pretty gutted to have to lose my Pampas L/lass, as I really did love it, but it taught me a harsh lesson about putting plants in the right place..When this was a tiddler it was fine, but it became somewhat of a monster where it was, and yes, I don't know how many times I lacerated my hands on the leaves, and it really hurts!
Having a pond under a tree isn't probably the best place for it lol, but it certainly looks nice, and makes such a great feature. The stonework made a world of difference..No more jaffa orange exterior in sight! hahahahaha.. \0/x

21 Oct, 2012


I am struggling to remove a Yucca plant that became overgrown when I wasnt looking.
These things are alright when young, but need the boot when they get too fond of us.

22 Oct, 2012


Hi Flori the car I imagine you in is a nice british racing green mini.......with a lovely orange shell. :0)))

At least your young friend is still your friend and at 14. adults can be sooo embarrasing!

Would have been worse for her if it was the naked lsdy strapped to the top!

22 Oct, 2012


LOL what a transformation, lovely statue. Great blog again thanks Flori.

22 Oct, 2012


Thank you all for looking in on my recent blog..Yes Diane, these plants seem such a good idea when they first go in don't they? lol. I thought we would have to bun our Pampas out as that is what many resort to, but with persistent digging it did give way eventually but it took some doing!

Ah Steve, would that be the green duckweed on the surface or the leaves from the overhead tree? We usually have a fine mesh net over it to stop the leaves...but the algae is a problem at times much to my OH annoyance.

Don't know about the racing green mini Pam, lol, though that really conjures up a vision to play with! hahahahahaha..Think we had a bright red Suzuki Swift at the time, but poor Linzi was mortified about us driving through town with the orange pond strapped to the roof just in case her friends saw her..Most of the journey back she was almost sat on the floor of the car! Funny, after that she was never too keen to come out with us again..I wonder why not???? Kids eh?

Thank you Olive Oil for looking in on me, and hope you had a chuckle my friend..\0/x

22 Oct, 2012


Wonderful Flori...I love it!!...Beautiful naked lady...:>)

22 Oct, 2012


Another great blog Flori ....ok....I admit it ....we did miss you:-( We at GOY security are, at this very moment, adding barbed wire and armed guards to prevent you escaping again over the wall to the land of Wikinuts. So be warned! :-)

22 Oct, 2012


I loved reading your new blog Flori they are always so very entertaining..and I am sure we could do with some of this in the wet and cold weather many of us are getting at the moment. Your garden looks really good and I can see that you have a flair for this type of project...Keep them coming and I will keep reading.... ;-))

22 Oct, 2012


Amazing transformation Flori and you wont miss that Pampas at all, we did the same thing with ours, what beasts they grow into eh? I think you ought to cover over your poor lass in the pond, she will be frozen stiff without a cardi on!!! Lol great blog by the way!

22 Oct, 2012


funny blog flori and great idea with the stone look in the pond, looks so matural as does the lady in all her naked glory, dont think i would ever get Baz out of the garden is she were there, looks great, well done both of you :o))xx

22 Oct, 2012


It looks very natural. I like the way it's been disguised.
The statue looks as if she's rising out of the water ...
I would like to have seen you driving home with it lol :D

22 Oct, 2012


Thank you Motinot, and you too you enjoy fun tongue in cheek poetry Steve, look in on my 'Summer What a Washout' blog, I can guarantee it will make you chuckle especially if you scroll down to the ditties afterwards..\0/x

Ba, you just can't get rid of me that easily! Are you sure that is to keep me in or to keep me out??? Wikinut was great for my poetry and articles, but Goy is the place to be with my friends and have the best laugh with like-minded people.
My heart will always be here first..and what would you do without me giving you stick????? LOL!\0/x

Thanks Rich..I do tend to write quite tongue in cheek and I do so love humour..Sharing these projects is a great way of looking back at what you have achieved on a personal level, but may also help to inspire creative ideas too..You keep reading my friend, and I will keep \0/x

Oh Grandmage isn't that true?! The Pampas looked so great in the first few years but it got huge and became more difficult to pass by each season. It took some serious manpower to get it out though! I have learned an important lesson from Yes, my naked lady has her own set of longjohns just waiting to be fitted..tee hee hee..\0/x

Hahahahaha San, my neighbour said that he brightened up his mornings no end! LOL The colour of that pond really was horrendous so we would have worked out some way of disguising it, and the stone cladding worked so well.. Ponds are frighteningly expensive aren't they for what they are.. So glad that you enjoyed my blog my friend..It is good to see you again San..\0/x

Hello Hywel..Loved that description of her rising out of the Yes, the stone really helped tie it into the garden. We have used a lot of Bath stone to make raised beds and used as natural edging here.
This particular young lady arrived by courier from Liverpool, but as a matter of fact, we once bought a large resin figurine (clothed this time), in a sale, and had to strap her to the roof of our car to bring her home, much to the amusement of the GC staff and customers present at the time, Wouldn't mind, but we even got followed by a Police car on the way about an escort! Thanks for looking in on me dear friend..\0/x

23 Oct, 2012


Oh Flori you do brighten up a grey day my friend. :0))))

23 Oct, 2012


Flori LOL :D That reminds me of the time I bought a big red Pelargonium in a garden centre, together with some other things.
When we got back to the car, I put the Pelargonium on the roof, to look for the key in my pocket.
I loaded everything else into the boot, but forgot about the Pelargonium on the roof.
I didn't remember about it until people in the cars we passed on the road, started pointing and laughing lol
Funny Beryl didn't tell me about it. I'm sure she did that deliberately :D
I'd driven around a roundabout too, but the Pelargonium just stayed where it was lol :D

23 Oct, 2012


I forgot to say thanks for the amazing card Flori, and not a slug in sight:-))

23 Oct, 2012


Oh Hywel, how you made me laugh at that! You must be a great driver my friend. Bet that poor Pelargonium had its roots rooted to your roof! Wonderful, just wonderful! LOL!\0/x

Ba, you are so welcome my friend. A special card for a special lady, totally barking as well too, but very special..As to the slugs..hmmm..wonder if they took a detour??? Got another ditty for you to respond to on my Sluggy blog..Are you up for the challenge?hahahahahaha..\0/x

24 Oct, 2012


Flori your right they are expensive and when you have fish its never ending, always something going wrong and the upkeep never ending to.
But on saying that i wouldnt be without my pond now, just for the water alone its worth it.Lovely seeing you back to flori :o)) x

24 Oct, 2012


It is great to be back among you all again San.. I didn't want fish in our pond, but as you said, it is still expensive to maintain. The OH has yet to repair the liner that a stray dog punctured, and he will have to take up all the slabs around it so it isn't a simple job..More expense, but on the bright side, at least it will make a great blog! lol..Thanks for looking in on me San..\0/x

24 Oct, 2012


lol Flori hope OH gets the punchure fixed, and maybe a sign "No Dogs Allowed" lol, oops sorry haha
take care :o)) xx

24 Oct, 2012


Hahahahaha..It is adding insult to injury when it isn't even my own dog that punctured it San! Raff was innocent of this particular crime..Makes a nice change..LOL!\0/x

24 Oct, 2012


lol poor Raf, i bet he made it clear it wasnt him haha x

24 Oct, 2012


The other one, a beautiful Staffie was caught in the act, so Raff was in the clear this time. In fact the first day we had Raff from the rescue centre, he tore around the garden in excitement and there was the sound of a terrific splash as he found the pond! lol..He won't go near it since!!!!! Raff hates getting wet..the wuss! \0/x

24 Oct, 2012


lol cant blame him after falling in haha,
At the end of the day we cant be mad at any animal, they dont know its naughty to punchure ponds lol,
there are worse things arent there Flori, hugs for Raf :o)) x

24 Oct, 2012


Wow some pond, and congrats to OH for the beautiful stone work, a thing of beauty........I am afraid I would have to draw the line over the statue though, the thought of OH leering at it every day would give me a inferiority complex, the only naked person allowed to frolic in our garden is me......and that is never, never, going to happen lol (still she looks stunning!!)

24 Oct, 2012


That is so true San..Raff sends you back a tailwag and a \0/x

Oh Dotty you made me laugh out loud with that comment! lol.. Ah our menfolk can but dream eh? I would have been just as happy with a male Adonis..(and one as a water feature too!) lol, but the OH wasn't so keen..I wonder why not?????
As to frolicking in the garden, I now leave that to the dog..He is the only one with enough energy to do it now! tee hee hee..\0/x

24 Oct, 2012



24 Oct, 2012


How did I come to miss this,Flori?? I love your lady,and have giggled at all the comments :o))..I see what you mean about the pampas grass..I have decided against it now.! Loved reading about your lady strapped on top of the car,and Hywel with his Geranium ..ha ha..we carried a Standard Rose between us on a lttle motorbike we used to have,and also one of those long john coffee tables of the 70's ! The police were at the side of us,at the traffic lights,and just stared in disbelief ! Lol reprimand, or anything :o)). I don't think the term 'Gobsmacked 'had been invented then..ha ha.

25 Oct, 2012


Just noticed your challenge Flori so I accept, will go to your previous 'sluggy' blog later lol:-)

27 Oct, 2012


Hi Bloomer..Oh Hywel really made me laugh about his poor plant, and you are not much better with your coffee table and Standard Rose! Necessity is the mother of invention so they say..LOL!
The funniest thing that ever happened to us still makes my OH quake.. We had a small car and tried to secure a large section of hardboard to the roof of the car that we had just bought at our local DIY store whilst we were still in the carpark. Unfortunately it was a bit of a blustery evening, and a gust of wind under the board lifted it from the roof and it went sailing straight towards the DIY store, levitating and skimming across the tops of all the cars..We could only watch in horror! Any poor devil coming out of the store could have been decapitated if it crossed their path! As it was, the wind dropped, as did the hardboard, and it broke into a dozen sections.. Needless to say, it was a lot easier to put inside the car afterwards,lol, though I was absolutely no help whatsoever, as I was crying with laughter the whole time much to the OH's disgust! You had to see it to believe it but despite how dangerous it could have potentially been, we got away scot-free with no damage to anything (apart from the hardboard that is)..Lucky or what?
It really could have been a sketch from 'Some Mother Do Have'em' with poor Frank in his beret crossing his legs and crying out 'Oooh Betty'...hahahahahahahaha..\0/x

Nice to have you back Ba..Am off to see what ditty you are posting now..and flexing my poetic muscle as I write..\0/x LOL!

31 Oct, 2012


Oh dear,Flori..what are we like? I can just picture it ! Lol...I used to love Frank Spencer..he has a lot to answer for..haha..our first car was a 'state of the art' Robin Regal! ..all intact with it's three wheels,I must say :o) oh the tales I could tell about that.Lol. Betty would have had a fit....just like me ha ha.x

31 Oct, 2012


Hahahahaha..One of our old ones was a clapped out Skoda..It went through 5 litres of oil a month! My best friend, being very witty, gave me an 'Emergency' gift for it that consisted of a rubber band for the engine and 10p for a phonecall to get help! LOL! \0/x

31 Oct, 2012


Lol,Flori..just love it :o)
We used to go to a club on a saturday night,which was on a steep hill,so the car was parked there.When the comedian came on,he asked if anyone owned a white Reliant Regal ..when OH said it was him,he said to go out quick ,as a rat was towing it up the road ! Lol. How embarrassing was that? but we just absolutely roared with did the packed clubhouse ! :o)

31 Oct, 2012


Oh thank heavens you had a great sense of humour, Bloomer! lol.. Yes, in that lime green Skoda of ours, we were often the butt of many a joke..I wouldn't mind, but it smoked so badly, that you could see it for miles after we had driven off..let alone we almost asphyxiated people as we drove past!
We were not sad to see the end of that vehicle as you can imagine my friend..hahahahahahaha..\0/x

6 Nov, 2012


Just popping in to say how much I have enjoyed reading all your funny transport experiences. Need a laugh on a dark damp cold night like tonight:-))

6 Nov, 2012


Just as well we can laugh at them now, Ba..We bought that Skoda off my boss at the time, and I gave him earache about it on a regular basis..He was so glad when we got rid of it!!!!! lol\0/x

7 Nov, 2012

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