The Garden Community for Garden Lovers

By Oidara

United Kingdom Gb

Hello. I was hoping you may be able to advise me. I have just miscarried my baby, who was due on Valentines Day. I would like to put my baby's remains in a pot with a shrub that will flower in February. I am a terrible gardener (!), so it would need to be something that is very hardy and difficult to kill. Also something that would live a long time and flower every year. Is there such a plant? I plan to move house in the next few years so it needs to be something that can at least survive in a pot for a couple of years and ideally something easily transferable once I am in my permanent house. I live in Devon, so an area with quite a lot of rain. Apologies for the strange request, and I do hope you are able to advise. Thank you.



So sorry to hear about your miscarriage - planting a living memorial is a lovely idea.

Does it have t be a shrub? I'm thinking of a hellebore (like a christmas rose but a bit later and easier to grow) There are now many beautiful varieties, straightforward to grow and long lived. When you do move it can be planted in the garden in a party shaded spot.

There are lots of Azaleas that flower round about that time if you really want a shrub, but as a non gardener the Hellebore might be easier. Why not have a look on Google at both of them? If you choose an Azalea it will need acid compost, sold as ericaceous compost.

If you want something that eventually will be a big shrub a winter flowering honeysuckle might suit you as it is sweetly scented but if you don't know where you'll be moving to its a bit risky if you don't know if there will be room for it.

Lots of advice on here about planting and care when you have decided what you want.

12 Jul, 2017


If the position is shady, you could plant a Christmas box (the Latin name is sarcococca). Not only does it carry tiny white flowers in February, they are also very highly scented.

12 Jul, 2017


Remember that the ashes are highly alkaline, so they are likely to burn the roots of anything planted in a pot.

13 Jul, 2017


Thank you very much for the ideas. I really appreciate it. I don't have ashes, so hopefully this will not be an issue.

13 Jul, 2017


I'm so sorry for your loss. I was thinking of snowdrops. A lot of them bloom in February. Crocus? When they die back, you can plant a pelargonium. I'm writing this as I look at my patio pots all with pelargonims. They look terrific and are so undemanding.

13 Jul, 2017


Thank you, Bathgate.

17 Jul, 2017

How do I say thanks?

Answer question


Not found an answer?